If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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