I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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