Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
