I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
