My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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