You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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