He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
