life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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