I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
operation have a gay friend backfired
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
