Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
