He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
