dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
