Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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