so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i think my cat just said my name.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
