well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
