Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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