just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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