quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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