I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
