There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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