Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
