windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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