Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
