drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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