We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she pinky promised me she was 18
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
