Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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