I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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