I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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