Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
