Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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