i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
