btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
