You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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