Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
