My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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