Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
