my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
