I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
