Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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