I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
