you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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