honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
