either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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