I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
