Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
