soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
