Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this boner is exhausting
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
