I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
