yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
