She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
