Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
