Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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