In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
