Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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