That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
