Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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