just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
