I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
