I got chris browned last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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