I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
