we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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