He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
