big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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