he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
