Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
