Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
