We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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