For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize