In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
