I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
