bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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