I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
